The Return

I wonder why I am feeling strange ever since Saturday.... I was back to a church on Saturday and things seems to be weird... weird in the sense that how I felt last yr is coming back to haunt me again... It has been almost a yr ever since I left church.... It was a tough decision to leave church.... One reason I left was to stop all the pain I am suffering... I no longer want to be a "gd" person somehow as it does not really pay ... is like some kind of expectation kind of thingy.... I also dun wanna face the fact that i am alienated and many more triggered the decision....

Things indeed somehow cool down and I start to feel better as in I feel liberated... no expectations... I know is kind of silly doing this but I felt is the only way i can escape from this... I rather stay in the cold side of the world by myself than staying in a loving environment where i am not the recipient...

Now I seem to feel lost again and I dun like this feeling....