Can I Do It?

For the next few days till Mid July.... i seriously ask myself a question.... Can i do it? Can i make it? idk......

Happy Bday to Me

Sorry for the late update... been very busy lately settling sports camp admin and money issues... 1 week ago was my bday was pretty glad my o comm celebrate for me... veeting me and splashing cake on me... which i feel quite appreciated... but before all these .... i wasn't expecting dat much too cos i really had a bad past... but was glad for them taking the effort to celebrate... appreciate it lots.... though i feel kind of sad my old pals from NUS didn't celebrate for me... for like 2 yrs... but i guess i gotta go on with it.... i was very disappointed with church ppl as i concluded dat they celebrate my bday base on membership not friendship... pardon me i say this but is very true for me now... which i gotta confess... when u are in the cell group they just celebrate and do it so dat they fulfil their duties as a Christians... but when u are not... somehow they disappear from u during ur bday and some just send msgs... which is like this yr... where are no where to be found... i do know some ppl are sincere to send such msgs... but overall i am really disappointed with church now more and more... i know its not God's fault... maybe i am just unfortunate to meet such ppl.... after a week on the bus after Hua Cheng celebration at City hall marina square... i suddenly feel a dip in my emotions and feeling down.... is like i wonder will i be able to find a friend who can really standby me until i grow old... someone who genuinely loves me for who am i.... so that i can really be comfortable... i tried to find it in church cos God is love and i dun find emotional love at home... but well i guess i have lost it all.... now friends who are unchurch are more concern about me than churched ppl... even if they are they rather be passive and keep quiet about it.... when i am at my deepest lowest point of life... where are they? when i am ostracised by ppl by untrue rumour... where are they? after so much disappointments... i am currently allergic to cell groups.... so ppl who just wanna recruit me in their CGs and make thier CG look bigger and so dat they can meet thier target and make thier CGLs happy... shooo go away i do not need you... those who thought sitting around and waiting for me to join ur CGs. also shoo go off and i will bite....

Multi Tasking

Yeah i admit i suck at multi tasking.... doing booth duty for 8 hours being handicapped by not being able to multi task is very tiring and sometimes easily irritable....especially you are handling money.... but gotta suck it up, tahan and do it... but very pleased so far the money tallies and forms are ok.... so anyone whom i show a darn tensed and fierce face... or i am very hostile talking to you... or i get impatient... pls pardon me....

One Hour of Anxiety

Today has been rather an unlucky day... i almost lost my Concession Pass when i took a bus to meet Runi to shop for house identity logistics for the various house for Sports Camp.... but in the end i got it back... i was very fortunate... i call the interchange in time before the bus left the interchange... it was on 198 that i lost it and thank to Hua Cheng's Call.. yupz.. the card drop out while i pull my handphone out... sighz... but well its over... was rather traumatised after the incident... lucky i was cool enough to stop think and act and manage to get it back...

Bad Past

Many ppl had been asking me... wassup with doomsday... yeapz i had an emotion wreckage last yr during this period.... i always hate my bday cos is usually the day that dissapoint me... maybe i am expecting too much... or maybe i have a life like this... not bond to be happy on my bday.... my family dun celebrate birthdays... not even a wish.... therefore during my birthday i always envy others... and feel lonely.... sometimes i ask God... am i bond to live a life like this? if not why it seems to be like this forever.... i have tried and tried.. but still.... sometimes i just wanna shot myself and end my life.... but i am too scared to die.... dejavu to some of you all right? yupz.. i am human too.... maybe this yr i should expect totally nothing... that my bday dun even exist... maybe i might feel better this way...

New Wish List

I have decided to update my wish list!!! hahaha just finished NUS Sports Camp Pre Camp... wow tiring... had a gd 15hrs sleep to recuperate... up next is freshie registration! work work....