Happy Bday to Me

Sorry for the late update... been very busy lately settling sports camp admin and money issues... 1 week ago was my bday was pretty glad my o comm celebrate for me... veeting me and splashing cake on me... which i feel quite appreciated... but before all these .... i wasn't expecting dat much too cos i really had a bad past... but was glad for them taking the effort to celebrate... appreciate it lots.... though i feel kind of sad my old pals from NUS didn't celebrate for me... for like 2 yrs... but i guess i gotta go on with it.... i was very disappointed with church ppl as i concluded dat they celebrate my bday base on membership not friendship... pardon me i say this but is very true for me now... which i gotta confess... when u are in the cell group they just celebrate and do it so dat they fulfil their duties as a Christians... but when u are not... somehow they disappear from u during ur bday and some just send msgs... which is like this yr... where are no where to be found... i do know some ppl are sincere to send such msgs... but overall i am really disappointed with church now more and more... i know its not God's fault... maybe i am just unfortunate to meet such ppl.... after a week on the bus after Hua Cheng celebration at City hall marina square... i suddenly feel a dip in my emotions and feeling down.... is like i wonder will i be able to find a friend who can really standby me until i grow old... someone who genuinely loves me for who am i.... so that i can really be comfortable... i tried to find it in church cos God is love and i dun find emotional love at home... but well i guess i have lost it all.... now friends who are unchurch are more concern about me than churched ppl... even if they are they rather be passive and keep quiet about it.... when i am at my deepest lowest point of life... where are they? when i am ostracised by ppl by untrue rumour... where are they? after so much disappointments... i am currently allergic to cell groups.... so ppl who just wanna recruit me in their CGs and make thier CG look bigger and so dat they can meet thier target and make thier CGLs happy... shooo go away i do not need you... those who thought sitting around and waiting for me to join ur CGs. also shoo go off and i will bite....