Acceptance

This word has been in my head for quite while when i took cab home from school... Yeah indeed life is kind of hard for me emotionally and mentally... anyway watever i blog is not holding against anyone... is just my personal thought... is just a place to express my fustration and disillusioness within me... I felt kind of very lousy recently... is like back to the point i used to feel this way a few yrs ago... things dun seem to improve... things continue to be uncertain.... many things are beyond my control... wad i can do is to do my best and hope... the word "Acceptance" is the main word that bother my life now.... is the biggest handicap of my life... which makes me having a heavy and sunken heart...

I can recall during my grow up yrs when i used to stay in Toh Yi (Bukit Timah)... I used to have a fixed group of frens in the neighbourhood i knew and we play and hang out through of childhood yrs... i used to remember i got a fren called Cher Fong whom is younger than me 1 yrs old... the days we go out have fun everyday... do all sorts of things... play table tennis... block catching... arcade.... go to places togther... that kind of close frenship we had... and then during sec sch days we belong to the same sec sch... i got to know a fren called Andy Raymond they all... that was also one of my cherished times i had with my frens... although sometimes i got bully by my frens like they fly u aeroplane and Pang seh u... i still treasure them as my frens... thats one of the close frenships i forged during my growing up yrs....

Now i kind of missed the days i had close frens... frens i can depend on whom i can tell my darkest secrets... frens who gave me the assurance that im being accepted... after Secondary school... After that things seems to go bad... too cut the long story short... the i felt rejected many parts of my life... Rejections seems to huant me like a terror in life until now... After stepping into church my life started to change... i no longer being so depress (not as bad as before)... but still this problem still trap inside of me... i took many huge step of faith to make frens... many of u all thought im very sociable and have many frens... but thats just quantity... wad i really looking for is quality... i yearning for the assurance of acceptance...

Maybe thats why many ppl think im too nice... they got kind of paraniod of me... only those who knows me very well i meant no harm... sometimes i am so hungry for acceptance that i look for it in the wrong place... which give me more and more dissapointments... is very hurtful to be rejected when u are nice to them... many being unappreciative for the things u done for them.... im and sick and tired... my rantings does not hold anyone with anything... is i just feel fustrated why things turn out like this... depsite of trying my best to be a nice fren a nice person to trys to help as much as he can for his frens... i know some of my frens they are kind of busy i do not hold anything with them.. is just me... the spirit of rejection keep huanting me telling me lies in my head until i can't stand it... maybe becos of this i tend to think too much... reading too much or deep into ppl's repsonse which lead to uncessary worries... certain reactions might even trigger the sense of rejection... thats how bad it might go... many of the times i wanna overcome these... stop thinking too much and too negative... where things might not turn out as bad as it could be...

I hope i can pull myself together once again... finding the security in myself again... finding the assurance of acceptance... praying very hard everyday for things to be better.... continueing holding the hope that ppl in my life will being to accept me a a gd fren... building more closer and strong frenships... and ultimately find a special person in my life.... i know i cannot let this problem i have paralyse me... but i feel so weak now... im tired... im discouraged... but i still beleive the sun will still shine one day....

Longest Valley

Somehow in my life especially this season since mid of the year i have been in the Valley for like months... yupz.... long long recession... I wonder when can i walk out of this Valley or Recession... that's y feel kind of cranky in my mood recently... so if my crankiness affects u very sorry about it... yeah... wanna thank ppl who talked to me recently... yeah i seriously having a struggling time now... yeah... when will i see the sun shine again? who knows? yeah... things seem to be very messy now... soon mid terms are coming... today i feel so crap even in class i am totally switched off that kind... hmmmm.... trying to keep a good countenance everyday...trying to smile and joke around possible... yeah... still hoping for gd things to come

Uncertainty

Somehow the word "Uncertain" might describe how i feel recently... many things around me are so uncertain... which i kind of =( ... Uncertainty really paralyse someone in the sense that they do not know where to head too... somehow got lost somewhere... trying to find the way back to the path... hahaha think i think too much liaoz... hahah.... hope this will turn out well ba.... things will start to be clear... yeah... yupz...

Trying to start the engine to get into serious business in school... doing what a full time student should do ... rather than slacking away the time i have... trying hard to get into serious work... all the task i suppose to do the deadlines are nearing... mid term exams are nearing too... pls remind Kynneth to study ok? =)

Sat just had O comm dinner... had a great time with them... food is good.. yeah... trying to get the pictures... Juling, Caleb and Sandra pls send me the pictures!!! pls pls pls!!!

Anyway thinking of where to go to travel at the end of the yr... will post my ideas and suggestions soon =)

Best of Arts Camp 07 & Oweek 07

Arts Camp 07: Precamp

Oweek 07: Precamp

Arts Camp 07: Tee Vee Land

Oweek 07 : The Big O

The Daily Scoop

Wow time flies fast... Its already mid week... school is getting more and more intense soon... next week gotta start mugging for mid terms for my EC2373 and EC2303... and also upcoming tutorial 3 for EC3322, SSD2210 Tutorial group presentation... kicking in for the next 3 weeks... yupz...

Anyway looking for lunch Khakis on Monday 12pm to 3pm, Tuesday after 2pm and Wednesday 12pm to 1pm and after 2pm.... yeah interested party can tag me lol! hahahah especially monday and tuesday very boring... week 5 still cannot really find ppl to eat...

Peirong asked me whether i wanna go work and travel in USA... i was thinking should i go or not? Cos if i were to go, i will be missing out Arts Camp and Oweek... which i love a lot... and i gotta rasie 1k plus to go for the work.... so seriosuly thinking now... cos i would love to go USA and travel! somemore now got frens wanna go... how? hmmmm.... oh yah... wanna thank Adeline and Bennet for the lunch session and went to The Daily Scoop with Adeline for an ice cream session... cos i was not very sure how to go and she kindly volunteer herself to bring me there... hahaha thanks girl! =) hahaha on the way met my Kai Xin Guo!! Sharon and Elaine!!! yeah =)

So now kind of feeling happier... but still hahaha... still trying to cope with the issues.... yupz... Azaa Azaa!!! =)

Circumstances

"Circumstances" ... This word somehow keep appearing in my life recently... somehow life on earth we are often being limited by circumstances... due to circumstances we worry... we tell ourselves can't be done... forget it... no point.... u know wat im trying to say? yeah... somehow circumstances become part of our life... most of the time we had the "how i wish i could" mentality... often we always focus on wat we dun have and often we feel depressed and sad... sometimes worrying and fear... and worst plunge into guilt... Yupz... sometimes myself i feel that way... how i wish i had more money... how i wish that i got gd grades that kind of thinking... which somehow limit me... letting fear and guilt to hold me back.... yeah this week service i had a preacher with no limbs... he is Nick Vujicic... he is a living example of wat he quoted " You don't need to change (your) circumstances to be victorious" yeah... somehow he live his life based on this verse...

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Somehow through his sharing... i learn to focus on wat i have... and try not to focus on wat i dun have... life will be much happier to live... yeah... i will try to do that yeah =) if you wanna know more about him... his website is... http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/ and i got a free dvd about him... after watching is very encouraging... even if u are the lowless pit after hearing him u somehow feel encouraged... at the end of the meeting this is wat he says... "There is no joy in my circumstances, but there is joy in the purpose of the circumstances" which i find it encouraging as he uses his circumstances to bring joy and hope as a motivational speaker to many discouraged youths and children... yeah...

Nick Vujicic

Slow Slow Slow

1st Attempt 2.2km - no timing
2nd Attempt 2.4km - 15min 05 secs

Wah i thought i ran very fast already... still so slow... hmmm... gues to run 2.4km under 10mins still far a dream aahaha but will try to achieve it.. now aiming 11min 30secs first... hahaha... think now i belong to Cat Y very soon? 25 then Cat Y right? :P but overall im satsified cos i never stop and walk... i kept running until the very end...

Anyway watched Ratatouille (Rat-A-Too-Ee) with Sharon and Elaine... thanks girls u 2 are so sweet haha.... nice show... a lot of life lessons in the flim... cute and funny... hahaha Pixar Animation are nice =). Somehow got to know about Pixar through my EC3322 Industrial Organisation lecture between Disney and Pixar =P...

Remy

Before the movie i was in school... There is a bazaar called International Exchange Day... is about Student Exchange Programme... to my interest i went to check it out and realise overseas education especially the US is expensive.. half a yr expenses in US without school fees is already 10K.... thats very expensive... Canada is cheaper... 6000 plus only... hmmm haven't check australia... seriously thinking of going SEP in yr 3 sem 1 but i heard the registeration is closed =(... but nevermind i had a huge doze of my happy drink Milo!!! in case u dunno wats that below pics shows it... it is so chocolatey and milky.... wooo... 10 cups down! =P

And Finally saw the pictures weicheng took during Arts Camp Precamp, Arts Camp, Arts Oweek Precamp and Arts Oweek... the pictures are brillantly and professionally taken... all the candid moments, expressions and action are taken... total file size for all is 20GB... oh gosh... think will select those involve me from Sharon's External harddrive next week... anyway below is wat Sharon claimed to be Unglam abt me hahaha... Unglam shot Part 1... anyway behind is another sharon (total 2 different Sharon mentioned) hahaha she also look quite amazed and unglam hahah! more to come! =P

Arts Camp Precamp... Westcoast Park... Night games trial hahaha...

Hopeful

EC3322 Tutorial is driving me crazy... got no idea how to do bertrand equilibirum questions... and stuck a bit on mix strategy game... and this tutorial which i gonna hand will entitle me 10% of my module grade... God pls help me! enlighten me! But somehow i like EC3322 just that is kind of tough.... EC2303 i am so lost now... guess gotta mug that module real soon....

Now kind of feel half =) half =( .... yeah as usually trying my very best and struggling to be hopeful in certain areas of my life.... yeah... somethings really cannot be hasty.... well well well.... is has been my prayer occasionally.... recently more frequently.... many bad experiences really set u in doubt of being sucessful in that area... but at the end still gotta be hopeful... good things are worth to wait.... hope it will happen in a good way too.... so many things yet hard to articulate.... sometimes u want to have someone to go travelling with u.... sometimes u want to have someone go diving with u.... sometimes u want that someone will be there when u are weary.... sometimes u want to have someone doing sweet things.... sometimes u want to have ppl to share ur dream, desires and problem... sometimes u want to have a tangible one to be just there for u.... yeah hahaha.... the list goes on and on.... but well still gotta hang on.... one day it shall come to past and at the same time developing myself to for it.... Yeah just some rantings... Im tired but still gotta stand up and keep walking... but i am really glad that things are improving throughout the years... learn a lot of lessons... living everyday afresh....

Yupz i been a long time i could be really happy.... school work is pressing on me.... I will survive!

Thanks People For Responding To The Call For Help

Hi!! Thank you to all the ppl who responded to the call for helping my fren... you all have made a difference by contributing your part to register... my fren now is currently safe!!! yeah!!! Think i spam in my Yahoo groups until some not very kind ppl thought is a spam... i also heard that somehow i create a bad impression in all the yahoo groups as I'm in seen as a spammer... but who cares when a person is in need of help... like what Xinyu said is true... you know u are doing the right thing you dun have to worry yeah =) ... Anyway many things has happened during these few days and here's a summary:

1) I've Started my first run in dunno how many years. Yeah! Tml will run again.

2) These past few months i have been struggling in many areas. I had a gd chat with Joyce my fren. Somehow yah i realised i had a huge struggle inside of me... for example.. trying not to think so much yet u still think so much.... u know what i trying to say? yeah... so such type of struggle i had it for many years... especially in the area of Friendship and Relationship... yeah as usual...

3) Due to many types of stress like school stress in Yr 1 Sem 2, Emotional Stress which i had it most of the time during these few months and Busy Schedule.... Im BALDING.... yes at 24 years old... i didn't realise until my hairstylist told me when she feels my hair when i when for a cut... she says my hair is significantly thinner than a few months back... asking me am i having a lot of stress??

4) Missed Army Open House 07... hmmm shall go again next time ba =)

5) Congrates to all my frens who graduated from School Of Theology 2007 on Sunday!

6) Happy Birthday to Ching Cheng and Happy 21st Birthday to Jamie!!!

Yupz... somehow went through a lot... as i was in church on sunday... somehow i felt that i went through so much emotion turmoil... but i never blame God for what i went through... the world is imperfect.... filled with many imperfect ppl... causing many dissapointments and hurt... is like even the whole church of ppl forsake me i will still go to church no matter wat... even the worst case where i am barred from going to one church i will still go another.... cos i make a promise that no matter what i will never leave God becos i love God... yeah... somehow through these i learn to be stronger in my emotions and building my faith for a blessed future although sometimes things might be so "foggy" ahead where u cannot see the good things coming ahead... i am still hoping for good things that i am promised and the things i desire... all the wait is worth while...

Yeah... finally... next week going to hand in my tutorial for EC3322 Industrial Organisation... seen the question... all i had in my head was ????? .... hahaha so anybody can help pls help me ok? thanks! and before i go heres a couple of pictures of my fren's hamsters =)

Help!!! People!!!!!! Urgent!!! By Tml 12.30pm!!!

Hey fellow bloggers and readers!!! Need your help to sign up for an account for http://www.playnetearth.com ..... It is completely free... My friend urgently needs 4000 signups and she only has 500 now. She needs all the signups by 12pm on 02/09 Sunday. If not got big problem!!!!

1) Pls send "Reg(space)(ur email add) to 82383273 totally free!!!
2) Go to the Email u registered thru sms and validate the account (the mail might be in your junkmail).
3) Enter password and edit ur profile and submit.
4) Thats all!!!!
Yeah pls help!!!! she is my very gd fren!!!! =)